The secrets out

“What are your goals?” she said, “What is your plan… what do you want?”

It wasn’t what she said or even how she said it. It was her eyes. She said it all with her eyes. Hollow and dark, desperation was lurked deep within them. They were pleading, “Please!! Please, tell me there is an end in sight. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be strong… how much longer I can pretend to not be disgusted by your listlessness.”

“I don’t know?” I replied reluctantly, honestly, “I don’t have a plan… I don’t know what I want.”

Those eyes… those bright, beautiful blue eyes. They were still blue but no longer bright. They had gone cold, dulled by hopelessness. No longer did they speak of frivolous desperation caused by an uncertain future. Now they cried out with complete and utter despair. For a brief moment she had seen, in the eyes of the one she considered to be the strong one, something unmistakable.

My eyes, they had betrayed me. Although not loudly, but subtly, in a hushed whisper, she had still understood. In the eyes of her strength, the one she had always known to be fearless, she had found something that she thought impossible…

** F E A R **

Goals… plans… these are foreign concepts to me. I don’t know what I want or even where to begin discovering it!

Never have.

My eyes, they had betrayed me, but they had not lied.


Calendar Conundrum

What to do, what to do?

Rumor has it that a firefighter calendar is in the works featuring REAL Albany firefighters… not posers like that has been 80’s heartthrob, Kirk Cameron.

Model auditions will be held at the end of the month… what do ya think?

Two of a kind

In case you didn’t already know, I went to Las Vegas for my Sousin’s (sister/cousin – its a long story. Maybe another day.) wedding. Everyone asks with a mischievous grin, “So, how was Vegas?”

Unique buildings, each one individually theme, screaming, “Come see me. You can have the most fun over here!”

And they’re all so very impressive with their bright lights and grand scale: pyramids, castles, Venetian canals, Roman architecture, New York City skyline, roller coasters and the list goes on and on.

But it doesn’t take long to realize its all fake. Every thing’s artificial. Concrete, plastic and paint arranged to hide the truth. They’re not the real thing outside, and inside they’re all the same.

Sure, some are nicer than others. Some are even breathtaking! But ultimately you’ll find the same thing in each one: half-truths  and false promises.

Behind the facade, the public presentation – sometimes hiding in the corners, sometimes right out front for everyone to see – lives every ancient sin. They’re all there.

“So, how was Vegas?” you ask.

I didn’t like it much. It reminded me too much of me!

Jesus, a blogger?

Brant’s at it again over at Letters from Kamp Krusty.

Check at his If-Jesus-had-a-Blog posts here and here. The “comments” are hilarious, frightening and sad all at the same time.

[**WARNING** – Unless you’re a little twisted and cynical like me or just don’t like a dose of the truth, you may want to pretend you never even read this. This message will self destruct in five seconds!]

Run, Forrest! Run!

Or Daughter #2.

Apparently, it’s very important for 10 yr. old soccer players to stay in shape. Why else would their coach send a workout schedule home over spring break?

Run/jog 1 mile + 20 mins. of dribbling daily. Parent’s signature required.

Now, you don’t just send a 10 yr. old off to run down the street alone. Someone has to go with her! Her track star older sister was supposed to go with her, but she was cleaning her room. That’s a miracle in and of itself, so we we weren’t about to get in the way of that!

But someone still had to go. So, instead of arguing over who would accompany her, Wife and I decided we would both go. A family outing of sorts. I gotta admit that I was feeling a little funny at first, but after a ½ mile or so I found my groove.

All the guilt was gone. I was able to keep perfect pace, trailing just behind her…

in the GOLF CART.

In case you lose focus

ASBO nailed it with this one….


…hair growing WHERE?!?!?

I stumbled onto this little bit of information…

You may feel confused, have emotional outbursts, feel sad, or have strong emotions or moods that change quickly. You might be overly sensitive or easily lose your temper.

I’m disturbed by this. Not because it describes my current state, but because of where I found it. I had my suspicions, so I did some research to see if the spiritual process mirrored the physical one. This… is… NOT… good!

As if that wasn’t enough, I find this…

Common concerns related to the adolescent’s behavior include: risk-taking behavior, rebelliousness, wasting time, mood swings, drug experimentation

CRAP!!! That’s me…minus the drug experimentation, of course. Well, actually… oh, never mind, that’s another post. I’m going through puberty, of the spiritual kind. I’m a SPIRITUAL ADOLESCENT!! Caught in the void between kid and grown-up.

You would think that a 30 something guy who stepped out in the hall with his 3rd grade teacher to say-the-prayer-and-get-saved would be past this. What can I say? I’m a late bloomer. From what I’ve read the physical process lasts 1 to 6 years. WOO-HOO, I’m sure the spiritual one will take at least that long. I’m in for the long haul.

Awkward… unsure… self conscious… frustrated… this sucked the first go round!! Now, I’ve got to do it all over again, but I guess it’s just part of growing up. Physically and SPIRITUALLY.

Oooo, I just had a fun thought…spiritual acne. LET’S HOPE NOT!!!

But just in case, does anyone know the best treatment?